Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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