its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
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I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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