Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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