I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
How many fucks given?
0.12846
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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