you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
