Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
