I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
