i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
