Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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