you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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