So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
