im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize