I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize