DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
These tits shall not be calmed
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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