Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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