She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dick very happy bro
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
