see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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