WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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