I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
