I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
