So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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