I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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