I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
