so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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