Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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