It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize