I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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