you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize