Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize