Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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