I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
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she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
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I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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