just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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