I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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