Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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