dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
