I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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