Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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