Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
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no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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