I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
its liver damage thursday
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
