Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
