Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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