Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
