Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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