OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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