just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again