I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.