burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.