When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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