Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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