you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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