youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
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Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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