Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
