i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
